Is it just me, or whenever you walk past a Big Issue seller hollering for a sale, dont you just automatically think to respond with 'Bless You' or '..we all fall down'?

:-)

I was walking through town the other day - well, its the leper colony where my job is - when an old thought was brought to mind.

My friend and I used to discuss this theory about there only being so many differen people around, and that if you go from town to town you see copies of people you know. Also reminds me of a Simpsons episode where they steal the lemon tree from Shelbyville. Anyway...

..Its true. Kind of. One of my new housemates sounds and acts exactly like a girl I used to work with before I moved here. Several people I work with in my new 'job' could be caricatures of people from my old job - same characteristics, looks, actions etc.

Gives a kind of eerie deja vu feeling to everything - like a bad acid trip. It only seems to be the freakshow characters that are present from town to town.

Its nice to have some familiriaty, but its just a shame that there is no-one here who is a copy of someone Id actually like to see.

Hmmm....I might elaborate on this topic further at a later date.

...Im going to buy an alarm clock for the birds that congregate outside my window.

Well, I can afford that, its only a few quid. I cant actually afford to pay for their cataract operations.

Im assuming they have cataracts, or are blind. How else would they fail to realise that midnight or 1am is not dawn.

Beginning to wonder whether this whole idea of writing is wishful thinking....a pipe dream too far.

Hmmmmmm

I’m a smoker. I like to think I’m reasonably considerate, in that I always try to go outside, or make sure I smoke away from people, or don’t whilst they are eating etc. Even as a smoker, I hate it when others are blatantly not thinking when stood at a bar, or in a queue, about whom are around and where the smokes going.

Many non-smokers out there wont care and will still view me as the spawn of the devil and say that my ‘’consideration’ is meaningless. But that’s fair enough – its their viewpoint and I’m not going to get into semantics now about that.

The reason why I opened with that statement is that, despite being a smoker, I pretty much don’t mind about the impending Government ban on smoking in pubs, bars, restaurants and the like. I do happen to think that it should be left as it is, i.e. segregated areas and choice, but would not be hugely disgruntled or up in arms if (or rather when) the ban comes into effect. Hell, it might even give me a little push to give up.

What I do mind about this legislation though, is the hypocrisy the Government is displaying. If the guardians of our state deem it such a danger to the health and welfare of society to warrant this kind of witch-hunt, then why do they still allow the sale of it and have it remain a legal commodity. Furthermore, they are actually profiting more than anyone else from its sale, thereby putting themselves in the position of castigating and outlawing the use of a legally purchased product, which they themselves ‘endorse’. Simply by hiding behind the logic that its highly taxed to make it unpopular, unaffordable and minimise its use is a charade that fools nobody.

I like smoking, perhaps I shouldn’t, but more often than not I do. I’m fully aware of its harm to me, and accept the hefty price I have to pay. But I don’t accept this schizophrenic, have it both ways philosophy. If its such a threat to the fabric of our society ban its sale, find measures to recoup the loss of taxes from other means.

Which brings me to what prompted this little tirade. I was reading one of the big papers today (the ones that make you look intelligent whilst sitting on a train) and an article very nearly made me choke on my pain au chocolat – which would have been an ironic way to die, given the above. It seems that there’s some debate regarding this Bill as to whether or not prisoners should be exempt from this and allowed to continue smoking, due to the fear it may cause unrest. Of all the cheek!!! If I, average joe, (generally) law abiding citizen, am not allowed to smoke in a public venue then why on earth should some scrote be afforded the privilege that Im not – Sod that, it’s a ridiculous notion.

Right – I'm off to get myself arrested.

...Ive been painting my new room/flat this week (just the right side of gay, I do believe. Looks fantastic!).

Still in 'writers block' mode, but hopefully after the weekend, normal service will resume.

Oh, saw that bloke with the really bizarre hair again yesterday. He was buying some meat pies and frozen runner beans.

Having a bit of a block at the moment on what to write next (any suggestions, please feel free to pass on)..

..so for now I'm just going to fill the gap with a change from my usual rubbish. Some different rubbish...

...Just been out to lunch, and was sorely disappointed when I realised the sign on the ATM Machine at the bank offering 'Free' Cash Withdrawals wasn't quite all it seemed.

And

...I've just seen a guy with the most ridiculous hair imaginable. He wasn't a tramp, but the best way I could describe him would be as one of those blokes who is less than hygenic and clean. You know, tatty seventies sports bag, anorak and bad jeans. Look like they work on an assembly line somewhere or in a packing factory. Anyway, I didn't even know hair could grow like that, let alone think I'd ever witness it. Makes me less paranoid about my own desperate need for a haircut now.

Not quite sure why I decided to share those two pieces of useless information, but there you go.

Right, thinking caps back on for something better to write about more in keeping with my usual.

Ho hum, what to do, what to do. I have a few thoughts nudging their way up, but a bit dry for now...

The state of Britain’s supermarket trade, and the entire business world for that matter, is quite dire today. Trans-national corporations swallowing up the little minnows like hungry sharks and devouring everything in their sights to try and completely take over everything – all in the name of profit. It’s difficult for the little guy to get a foothold these days. Which makes it even more disgraceful that they appear to be cloning and breeding their own employees rather than opening up these much needed jobs to less fortunate members of society.

Oh on the face of it, yes, it looks as though all of the major players are doing their bit providing employment to those at the bottom of the social scale (not just financially, but physically, intelligently and hygienically too). All of their soundbites and blurb will tell you how much they are helping the community, employing waifs, strays and weirdos as ‘valuable’ trolley collectors.

But I believe its all a sham and there are much more sinister workings afoot. Conspiracy theories are rife these days, as we become increasingly more paranoid, but theres no smoke without fire.

In my home town, there are at least 4 different large supermarkets. Every time I visit one of them I get that eerie feeling of deja-vu. Like a glitch in the Matrix. Walking towards the doors, seeing what can loosely be described as a man, or at least vaguely humanoid, maneuvouring snaking lines of trolleys. As my brain begins to tingle, it starts to feverishly try and place the face in front of me. The acned cheeks and nose, overly large bottle-lensed glasses, lank greasy black hair. Sometimes to throw me off the scent, they might put on a shuffling walk, or dribble. Or shave their head and grow a wart and brush-on moustache. Or mutter to themself, eyes focussing on an imaginary figure to their side. Ive seen him before, I know I have.

But where? Then I remember. It was at the last supermarket. And the one before. And the one before that one. Initially thinking this ‘person’ has moved jobs frequently, the penny drops. Its not the same one – they all look like this.

A whole community of them. Multiplying and spreading, inhabiting every major supermarkets car-parks. Bred and cloned by a secret society of these corporations. How else do you think they can afford to sell their low frills, costcutter, basics or smart price brands? With the European Union forever tightening the rules on cheap foreign labour and imports, the evil conspirators need to find more devious ways to protect their monopoly. So rather than cutting into their profits by paying wages, they have created secret cloning farms throughout the UK to breed their own trolley collectors. Why else do you think they all look the same? Because they are – like some backward inbred family, they have been ‘given birth’ to purely to serve this purpose.

Have you seen all of those lorries frequently traversing down the motorways? You thought they contained food supplied didn’t you? No! They are shipping in the retards from the breeding farms. All of those fields you thought were farms or government ‘GM Crop plantations? Well, theres definitely genetic modification going on, but not on crops. Actually I don’t think Ill use the word ‘modification’, more like ‘mong-ification’.

You see, the clues are all around you people – just open your eyes. The lifeless look behind the eyes? The dribbling, pointing and incoherent responses to asking for help? If you dared get close enough, let alone touch one of them, you would find the scar where they were snapped off their breeding pods.

Those red lines that urge you: ‘Do Not Take Your Trolley Beyond This Point’ – a paper-thin charade. Those lines are there to stop the herd escaping, to protect the flock.

So next time you see a lone trolley nestling at the side of the High Street, or perching on a verge of grass, you know whats happened. One of them has evolved, they’ve learnt human emotions, caught a smell of the brave new world beyond the fringes of the car-park and escaped to seek a new life in the sprawling inner cities and suburbs.

Which begs yet another conspiracy theory – the rise of the chav…..coincidental? I think not…