Hoorays:

- Still sticking to my yoghurt/banana breakfast (even if I am sometimes adding to it with a coffee and pastry - bad boi)

- Sent in my submission - all I have to do now is await the gushing, kudos and prize money lol. Or not.

- Nearly completed all I need to start my second 'career' as a luvvie helper.

- Its Friday

- Dont appear to have put any weight back on. Still got my good shape

- Its not raining for once

Boos:

- Since writing this and getting my lunch its now raining. Hard.

- People who stop in front of you.

- French kids. Rude b*st*rds

- Although its Friday, still got an afternoon of work

- Still havent got the apron and duster out. tut tut.

- Headaches

Random:

- Its Christopher Walkens birthday. I like Christopher Walken.

- Given up on your dream of seeing your favourite movies re-enacted by cartoon bunnies in thirty seconds? Well, slap your thigh and call me Archibald. Cos theyre here.

particular favourites: Rocky Horror, Shining, Jaws, Pulp Fiction

- An anagram of my name is BITCHS ERRORS

________

Right, that'll do me for now.

Further to my previous post, 'Something from the weekend (and this morning...), there was one thing missing...

As well as the other items listed, I also learned on sunday that hangover-cure sex with jenky is brilliant. (As are many other times!)

No better way to get rid of that early morning hangover!!!! Mmmmm, wonderful.

Follow that by rain spray through the window, big wedge of a sandwich. As Tony the Tiger might say.....Gggggrrrrreeeeeat!!

Are you one of these people?

The Romanian Mint Rubbing Association

Having read their mission statement, Im a little cynical -

"When asked about mint rubbing,hundreds of millions of people instanly think about the Romanian Mint Rubbing Association (RMRA). Unleashing quality state-of-the art mint rubbing to the benefit of all mankind has been our vision and our dream."

The spelling mistake is theirs by the way.

Hundreds of millions????!!!!!

Ive never heard of it before - and Im sure a quick Mori poll survey would produce similar results!

Still, it intrigued me enough to click on the link.

Initially, I had imagines of seedy men with bad comb-overs huddled in dark rooms, literally rubbing after eights. Perhaps aided by some saliva or similar lubricant.

Picture an opium den. but with mints. A polo den. (Dont even go there with imaginings about the use of the hole).

But, alas but also with great relief, its nothing to do with that.

Still - seems a bizarre thing.

My daily lunchtime outpourings seem to be settling into a familiar order. So, to continue in the tradition...

Proposals are being discussed to ban 'junk food' adverts during kids tv shows

Double-edged sword this. On the one hand, who doesnt like laughing at chubby kids. But on a more empathic note, its a good idea.

Whitney Houston is on crack

So says a tabloid headline. And the surprise is???

And heres some other news

- Finished (kind of) the second draft of my entry. Nearly there, few days left to tweak.

- Discovered a fab new band, the Kleptones. Loads of free downloads. Think 2 Many Djs as a starting point, and go from there.

- I never did get round to adding an appendix to my 'some things I learned at the weekend'. Perhaps I should ask for permission first?? hmmmm? lol

- On this day in 1886 - Allegedly, Coca-Cola was created (with cocaine). The allegedly was for this date, the rest is true.

- I can now download again! Woo-hoo, watch me go...

- Speaking of cheese, I love the word smorgasboard

- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

- The Pueblo people consider the badger great healers and believe them to be intimately connected to their shamans.

- I saw the fattest man ever today.

- Apparently, a quarter of vets have treated drunk dogs.

- I may need to grow a beard.

- Which leads me on to still thinking about a handlebar moustache after watching Anchorman again. ("Loud noises")

- Um, well, i guess Im going to go and write now for a bit on the rest of my lunch.

Hands up who loves cheese?????????

I do!!!!!!

Um, theres lots of other things I really love nibbling and stuff too...

You know, its not like I want you to think Im weird for saying that or anythng. Jeez...

Well, its lunchtime so thought my fingers could do with some exercise - and seeing as the toilet is occupied, the only other option is to write something...

Lets start with the magazines and newspapers, gotta love 'em:

Spotted on the front cover of 'More' -

Whilst waiting in the train station this morning, I glanced at the front of 'More' (what can I say - I'm metrosexual! I didnt buy it though...yet) and a wonderfully absurd headline jumped out at me:

'I went nightclubbing...and woke up with no legs'

I thought it might have been a metaphor at first, but the accompanying picture did indeed show two prosthetics. Bizarre, funny in a sick way, but Im sure not for the lady involved.

And the politically correct wonder why we stereotype -

In a newspaper today there is an article about a young lady who, whilst already being banned from driving, picked up a subsequent ban for drink driving - whilst horrendously over the limit. On her court appearance she was jostled and restrained after kicking ushers, pelting eggs at reporters and police, and generally being a little b*tch.

She was 12 when she was first banned, and 14 now.

Oh, and the picture that went with it? Nice collection of sovereigns and other cack adorning the left hand.

Hmmm...

Ironic readers letter of the week -

In the same newspaper, a letter from a disgruntled member of the public urging us to take stock of the current bird flu panic.

Her name? Miss Nightingale.

And heres whats happening in my world today

- I finally have work to do.

- Ive finally finished the first draft of a poem to submit. Quite chuffed with it so far.

- The white part of your fingernail is called the lunula.

- My letter arrived, so Im going to be making some phone calls today.

- I have a photo of woody allen

- Spotted a car sticker: 'Jesus is for life, not just christmas.' Sod off.

- A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.

- The name 'raccoon' means 'scratches with his hand'. I loved the raccoons, especially cedric sneer.

- I must remember to buy some butter and washing tablets today. Running out of pants, and nothing to spread on my bread. Damn.

- Im still laughing at a Family Guy joke.

- Apparently 64 other people in the uk share my name.

- Its time I did some housework and cleaning. Out with the pinny...

Anything else anybody would like to know? lol

Well, another gloriously wet Monday rolls around, and the great weekend fast becomes a distant memory.
As seems to be my new tradition, here are just some of things I learned and did this weekend, and this morning:

- Oh dear god, they make burberry chav hairbands. Not that Ive got one, just that I saw one. Mmmm, nice. I also reckon that successive generations will evolve so that their fingers mutate to grow sovereign shaped lumps on them...

- Less is, indeed, more

- Swimming is great - especially with giant inflatable slides. Move over pipsqueak, its my turn!

- Planet Earth - wow, 100 metre high mounds of bat droppings in caves; I dung believe it (sorry). Two types of water? cool. Caves are scary.

- Olives maketh the sandwich - well, that and bucket loads of cheese, salad, and big bread. Bring it on.

- This week is National Health week. Hmmm, Ill try my best.

- In the main, people wont laugh at me if I dance (well, only if I dont do that dance, lol)Especially when youre pretty drunk, with some great cheesy music and stuff

- If you type the word 'failure' into Google, the biography of George W Bush is the first response.

- Ive lost weight - 6lb (ish), thats got to be a dress size, lol. Getting close to looking cute? lol.

- Started the week as I mean to go on - yoghurt and a nana for brekkie.

- Apparently, lots of orang-utans are under threat from our increased use of palm oil from non-sustainable resources. Used in things from crackers to chocolate to fish fingers.

- Ive finally had my haircut - apparently I look a touch like Will Young again, rather than a yeti. Which is very nice.

- Today is Snooky Lansons birthday (I have no idea either, but its a great name)

- When planning to do some clothes washing, its a good idea to actually have some washing tablets. The inside-out boxers look is so last year...

- Stairway To Heaven was voted to have the greatest geeeetar solo ever.

- With any luck, something good should arrive in the post today or tomorrow

- Allegedly, giraffes cant cough?

- ...and, apparently Tom Pembriton is a geek - or so says the graffiti on a pillar outside a shopping centre. Im making no judgements, I dont know the fellow.

Well, I think that will do for now, dont you? Just something to keep my fingers working..

Cryonics founders cremated

Two founders of the cryonics movement - whose members are frozen after death - have been cremated after a freezer mishap.
The bodies of Raymond Martinot and his wife Monique were stored in a freezer in the hope modern science could one day revive them.
But, 22 years after his mother's body was put into cold storage, their son discovered the freezer unit had broken down…

Bummer.

Bits of my muse are missing!!!

Its nearly back, been rescued, but theres some holes in it still - looks a bit like this:

Eyes have been cast over news-sites, fronts of papers in the shop - but nothings jumping out.

Need a topic....been way too long since I wrote a rant/article.

Answers on a postcard to:

chrisglos
c/o Heres the e you wanted
Blogland
Interspacewebthingymajigplace

....that on the 24th day of the 3rd month, the prophecy was to be fulfilled. And chrisglos would come down from the mountains, traverse the desert plains, scale the winding path and place his head at the mercy of the guardians of the scissors.

And thus, the heavens did open, weeping tears of joy unto the area.

(* Translated from the latin - Im havin me hair cut at goddam last!)

...it appears in another dimension, I am:

A cheesy singer, and...

An author.

Just wish I had the royalties for both!

Ah well, hopefully soon with the writing, eh?!

Also reminds me of a book Ive got call 'The Man Who Turned Into Himself' by David Ambrose. Very interesting.

Ciao.

For Nigel it was too late - he had already let his ear wax problem get out of hand.

Take notice, dont delay, or you too will look like a cocker spaniel. A smelly one.

(*found on google, hope theres no copyright!)

...........WHY?????

Darn, no cash, and this comes out...

3121

Someone want to buy it for me, please????D

Curses, the evil powers are conspiring yet again.

Another attempted course turns out duff - bugger. Ah well, not to fret.

My firewall is stopping me downloading a load of songs Ive been meaning to for a week - damn internet security! Hah - I have the power to resolve that though.

Still, Ive another course to follow up, superboy wont be beaten - lets hope its third time lucky!

Right, refreshing shave and so on, and did some of my 'homework' for a bit, pretty much, actually all sorted now. Good.

(PS - The petunia and the potato are related to each other.)

Some random facts for a lunchtime:

In 1996: A 21-year-old Muppet fan claiming to have a bomb took over a radio station in Wanganui, New Zealand, and demanded that "Rainbow Connection" by Kermit the Frog be played non-stop for 12 hours. Police evacuated the area, decided the bomb was a fake, stormed the station, and arrested the listener. No one was hurt.

In 1969: John Lennon married Yoko Ono in Gibraltar.

And apparently, today is National Agriculture Day.

So get harvesting!

Hmmm, so many:

- If the skin of a 150-pound person were spread out flat, it would cover approximately 20 square feet.

- That Ive been a twat :-(

- Radiators can get hot, and burn you if you touch them

- Ive had some (hopefully) good 'Eureka' moments

- Weetabix really needs to be cleaned from a bowl immediately

- My nails need cutting

- I really need a rhyme to get my poem going

- Shops dont accept library cards for payment

Im sure theres lots more, Ill have a think..

The moon it hangs low in the sky
Most of it hiding,
Peaking out, shy

Waiting to be beckoned out
From the darkness around
To come out and shout

Through my window i see its show
Getting bigger, brighter
Increasing its glow

Full of pride, its shining light
King of the sky
Til the sun gives it a fright

Then once again it cowers away
Unable to compete
The sun rules the day

But nevertheless, it bides its time
Waiting, hiding,
Rising again to replace the sunshine

So night or day - always there
Whether the moon or the sun
Their light, they do share

Well, Ive not posted for a while, really must get back to it - even if it is complete rubbish.

Ive actually been busy 'cleaning out my closet' so to speak - a metaphor of sorts. Its frightening whats got thrown in there without me realising it. Got really clogged up with useless items.
But, its refreshed now, cleared it out, and feels so much better to be able to see whats in there properly.

I had no idea it had got into such a state, but thankfully, it was spotted by an eagle eye. Nearly got to the point where it was so cluttered, id have lost stuff.

So, now Ive 'cleared' it, I hope to get things back to normal - everything - and keep better care of whats in there and 'wear' the good stuff again, cos theres some great stuff in there. Think I went overboard on some of it before though - you know, can be blind sometimes.

Hopefully I can show it off again soon :-)

Id like to share a picture. You may recognise me (sans glasses) and a certain other lady. Who I have to say is absolutely beautiful...owns my heart

A Prince song comes to mind, but thats a bit slushy I think!!

Suffice to say, wow.

Today I had my usual Monday morning struggle of thinking what to pick as a subject from the news for writing about next.

As usual, by the time Id thought about something topical and got chance to write it, several others had. Curses. Gonna have to stick to my 'of nothing in particular' theories.

I did learn a few things today though...

- Those mobility buggies can go extremely fast. And the drivers are dangerous. True, it may not be deliberate, chances are their arthritis may be playing up causing them to have trouble with the acceleration. Still, I want one.

- I wrote a very strong confessional to myself which Im still debating posting. Its for my benefit only, but somehow, I feel the need to say out loud what Ive discovered, as a way of validating it; if its in black and white, I know Ive made the realisation, learned, changed my ways. Weird really - but I guess theres something cathartic about it. Hmmm.

- I STILL get the phrase 'SpecSavers' shouted at me. I take it as a compliment really, I like my glasses. But still, how old...??!!

Newsflash:

Yet another thing Ive just learned - TV Detective programmes can be so crap. Dalziel And Pascoe was just on in the background, and as the two intrepid heroes turned up at a hotel (or is it 'an hotel' - never understood which is correct, doesnt look right to me), the person they are there to visit crashes through a window. Obviously, being a second floor window hes dead on impact. So, what do our two intelligent inspectors do? With a combined decade or mores experience behind them? Why, yes of course, they run up to the body and stare at it for several seconds until the credits roll.

And you thought the obvious thing would be to run into the building and catch who did it before they escape.

--------
Right, back to tossing a coin to decide if I publish.
And racking my brains for the most banal article I can write next.

Good deed Sunday.

If you follow the link to 'the Hunger Site' , theres a yellow banner in the middle of the page.

You can have one click per day, which will fund the purchase and distribution of one cup of staple food for a person in need.

Its free, the sponsors of the site pay the costs and supply the food based on the number of clicks per day.

Go to the Daily Results page to show how much actually gets donated.

So whilst youre chowing down on your evening snack, give a little back!!!

Ive been singing along today.

Couldnt tell you why.

Release, expression, joy, who knows.

Sign of cracking up, perhaps?

Enjoying it, feeling good.

But why, as Im scared off my tits, bout things.

Fragile and impatient. Wondering and worrying.

So why the songs, why the voice?

When Im petrified of loss.

Dying to reconnect, waiting, counting it down.

Yes, Im cracking up. Getting madder!!

Or perhaps not, I couldnt tell you.

But sing I have, not good I bet.

Sometimes think I am, others not.

Why singing, maybe its a call.

A shout out, my lungs making pleas.

Emulating things, I want to say, inside me.

Actually, yes Im good, I can sing!!

Quite well. I think. Sometimes.

But not in public, not ready for that yet.

Me, or them.

Theres already too much cruelty in the world.

_____

What a loon.

A poem

Sometimes in life you can try too hard
Always full of good intentions
But the irony is that sometimes
It can cause negative implications

You only want to do your best
Give everything you can
Spill your heart, and give your soul
To be a better man

Im sad today, with many things
Thoughts I cant contain
Of how I let myself get here
I should have made myself refrain

Its clear to me, at times like this
That sometimes I need to step back
Understand I can push too much
Which shunts things off the track

Its not with malice, nor anything bad
Just my attempts get over demonstrated
Perhaps a bit of thoughtlessness
Wanting my ego placated

You see, Im a gentle soul at times
And like others can be fragile
And when you have something you want so much
Can forget to be too tactile

My frailty is I push too hard
To stress and show my care
Whilst I want to hear things back
I dont see when its really there

My mind can play bad tricks on me
It looks out for certain words
And that is where I really fall down
And whats really said is not heard

The over desire to see things right
Filters out rational actions
When what I really need to do
Is see the real reactions

Instead of looking for certain words
I know I need to feel at ease
And understand that less is more
Thats how loved ones I will please

I see too much as potential loss
And fail to appreciate whats said
Its just the need for variety
Not a reflection that Im not wanted

Ive learnt I need to accept the balance
And understand the perspectives
I only wish for understanding
I dont mean to seem possessive

My need for acceptance has gone too far
Eaten too much into my confidence
Ive let myself ruin the good things Ive got
By not letting it off my conscience

The real me is so much more caring
Relaxed, giving and happy
I want the chance to return to that
And show Ive still got it all inside me

I know its still there, its fighting back
And breaking through the barriers
Too many near fatal conflicts have
Spurred me on to be its conqueror

I dont want to lose this chance to shine
And keep for me whats special
Make them proud that Ill be the best
And make them happy with it all

When good things come to you in life
Theres nothing you wouldnt do
To keep them there and do whats best
And not always think about you

My crimes are small, yet so severe
Thats why I am appealing
My defence is just that I only mean good
Sorry for over reaching

Ive not meant to hamper the feelings of others
Be smothering or blind to the needs
I want to show Im sorry
For ever planting those seeds

I realise Ive unwittingly
Gone about things the wrong way
I cant stress enough I meant no bad
I guess I chose the wrong things to say

If theres one thing I want more than others
Its to get back the balance
Show my pride, and not my weakness
Be caring, my support ill enhance

For by showing the pleasure I truly have
Not expressing the stupid thoughts
Ill allow the butterfly room to soar
And be welcomed for my demons ive fought

I hope I will, because thats my true feelings
My real desire I swear
To show I really want others happy
Because I really care

If I can do that, be true to my word
Be more considerate for a start,
Thats all I want, their happiness,
I have to keep their heart

My support is there, it always has been
But now its time to say no more
Be the proper man I should
And on those stupid thoughts slam the door

I hope thats going to be good enough
My remorse is so sincere
Im going to do everything in my power
To make things right from here

These arent empty words, theyre from deep in my heart
My failures to acknowledge, I have hated
From hereon in, my joy will shine
And my love, i hope still reciprocated

No taking for granted, or missing the point
Banishing my insecure questions
So long as I know the desire for mes there
Im happy, no complications

Thats all it boils down to, my misfiring
Not hearing that when its said
If I know its there, then no more complaining
Ill give everything wanted instead

My resolve on this is far too strong
My happiness depends on it
From this day on, my old self is back
And I hope someone wants to still share it

x