First, the anecdote which ties in with the survey:

A few years ago I was embroiled in some disciplinary action in my old job. The misdemeanour? A group of us were...gasp...emailing funnies to each other. Okay, admittedly, some of the perpetrators were being quite obscene.

One of the games was to put all of our Section Managers into imagined physical combat to the death - who would take who.

Although the thought of dismissal or discplinary issues was worrying, the funny thing was, that during one such hearing, at the end of it after issuing a stern warning to the party involved, the female Manager who was handing out the punishment finished with: "By the way, Id have taken her easy". Respect!

As far as mine went though, part of the conversation was directed towards the use of obscenities and disgusting content in peoples emails. Now naturally I had nothing to do with, it was another person who was the culprit. However, this ironic nugget then surfaced (and was recorded in the minutes) and I was praised for my response:

Manager: 'Id like to draw attention to this email you received from X, which contains language and detail way beyond anything acceptible. I wont repeat it but it is obscene and not something that people should be asking in a company email. For the record I would like to note that Chris did point this out to the individual and requested him to not use language like that...

[ Manager then reads out the response, so that the adjudicator can transcribe it for the records ]

my email response was: " X, say that to me again and Ill punch your f*cking lights out, you knob jockey"

Still makes me laugh that this was commended, is in print in my notes from the hearing, and was deemed to be 'sensible action on my part to request another does not abuse the system'.

Marvellous.

Survey for the bored 4: Celebrity Fist Fights part 1

Following on from the above, I wonder who would win in these imaginary contests:

- Lassie v The Littlest Hobo

- Graham Norton v Dale Winton

- Nelson Muntz v Cartman

- Steve Irwin v Ray Mears

- Jeremy Paxman v Trevor McDonald

- Charlotte Church v Kelly Osbourne

- StayPuft Marshmallow Man v The Bear in the Big Blue House

- Danny Zucko v The Fonz

- The Flumps v The Dozers from Fraggle Rock

My moneys on:
Littlest Hobo, Graham Norton, Nelson, Paxman, Osbourne, StayPuft, Zucko, The Dozers