I know how much you all look forward to that alarm each morning, so you can jump out of bed, log on to the computer, and gaze upon my little nuggets...

...so Ive been a bit lax the last few days and not been at my jovial best and disappointed you all. Im terribly sorry for that. Had a bit on my mind. Thanks for the support.

And now aside from that, theres something else I've just had to put in my mind to chew over...

hmmmm

I dont watch much tv (especially not at the moment with my head) - but did watch the Apprentice, unfortunately at the loss of being able to watch Grand Designs.

What a bunch of egotistical cock monkeys with over inflated ideas about their skills. Christ, what a bunch of numb nuts. They dont have desire, passion, fire...they just love themselves and are greedy and all have an innate need to prove 'im better than you are'. God save me from people that far up their own arse.

As well as being devastatingly handsome, I'm a Business Analyst and Project Manager combined.

Based on tonights viewing, I could piss all over them with my eyes closed and still have enough to spare to give Peter Andre and Jordan a well deserved soaking (just because it would be fun)... Thats a profit in itself right there!

And good project management for you, isnt it!?

Tre should have gone. Pr*ck.

Bloody good though.

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Right, tongue in cheek light hearted rant over. Just annoyed I missed Grand Designs.

Head still hurts, update tomorrow.

Okay, its beyond funny now.

An emergency appointment has been demanded of me, despite having two eye tests, a doctors appointment and a clinic (not that type) on Thursday.

I feel like I have an acorn behind my eye.

Hope to see you all on the other side. Not literally. Seeing would be a good start though.

Im still more worried about my hair though. Maybe thats whats brought it on.

And off I go...

[ILTJ]

...i have a headache. again. Not alcohol induced for once. Feels like its isolated above the one eye socket.
...apparently i have bleeding behind one eye. Possibly alcohol induced.
...i keep losing weight.
...ive pretty much eaten nothing but cous cous 90% of the time for a long while.
...i can only recall about 4 proper nights sleep since october.

and my hair is a mess.

Its finally happened.

We're used to teenagers and kids falling foul of not only the chav phenomenon, but also turning into brash, bratty, expecting everything for nothing, give me give me, now now now little oiks.

And even pigeons are a bit on the 'what have you got for me, eh' side.

But I fear my little oasis of calm and my pleasant view of the world has coming crashing down around me.

I think the ducks have been hanging out with the pigeons too much and started learning bad habits.

I was aghast to see my favourite little creatures waddling around in front of me quacking out demands for food left, right and centre. Then waddling off with the duck version of 'kissy teeth' when they realised that none was forthcoming.

How could you noble, grateful creatures turn on us in this way....no!!!!

If I grow there will be trouble
Hair straighteners, fixing spray, hat wearing to keep it flat and straight, lots of preening. Not to mention sideburns turning 'pube-esque' if not regularly maintained.

BUT

Fab hair again.

If I shave it will be stubble
Well okay, I wasnt thinking of going that short again, but if I do go shorter, then wheres the length to do funky things with? But its maintainable, neat, and wont involve precious hours in front of the mirror each morning.

So come on and let me know.....should I shave or should I grow?

Further to my previous post on this (here) Ive now got a slightly better version done:

Im pleased to see Im not quite so widescreen now.

This one however, takes the biscuit and had me chuckling away for a good ten minutes:

And yes, that does say Kavos 07 on the briefcase.

Sad isnt it.

Isnt the world a wonderful place when you can wake up one morning to the prospect of money off coupons for things you want to buy?

And on a Spring morning like this, why not make the most of saving whilst youre sewing your seeds.

Then when youre done, you can put your feet up and log on to couponchief and get discount vouchers sent to your mailbox for savings savings savings on some nice dvds to watch!

www.couponchief.com for all Free Coupons, Online Coupons and Coupon Codes!

[Sponsored]

A foot long one and my rings too big

Prior to settling down for some writing and work on my web page, probably with a coffee thrown in, I think I'll flex my typing muscles and blog a little bit about wots goin' daahhhnnnn in my manor.

Well last night I didn't finish work until 7pm. 7pm! That's nearly midnight. And on a Friday. And following a similar finish on Thursday. Fool. Anyhoo, I was strolling home at this unusual hour thinking I would have a lazy couch potato evening for once but my plans were scuppered by a text from my friend as I was walking back. I say scuppered, what I really mean is the hymen that is my willpower was easily penetrated and the text was just the excuse I needed. I think she must have been having man issues and wanted a bendy ear, so I thought why not and popped on my Frasier head. A quick cheese on toast sandwich (is that a contradiction?), lather of the armpits to rid them of the days work odour, superman speed costume change and I was out the door again.

To be honest I couldnt really afford it, but those magic words 'Beer? On me!' were there in black and white so how could I refuse. So very kindly, in return for my nodding, words of wisdom and company, and listening to her day, I was treated to free beers. And if that wasnt generous enough, an insistence on getting a Subway. I felt bad and don't like to feel like I'm taking advantage - I'm used to being the generous one - so even though I said I could only go for a six incher, I ended up stuffing a foot long one in me...

Up at the crack of dawn today - 6 o'clock for some unknown reason, and by 9 15 I'd already been up, showered (god I needed it), got my pinny out, put the washing on, breakfasted (if thats a verb), coffeed it (ditto), been to the library, fed the ducks, read the Guardian and got back home.

Having a tidy up though I was dismayed to find my ring had disappeared. Casting my mind back, I now remember it happened on Tuesday. I have vague recollections of the end of the night where I was either pointing in a Saturday Night Fever frenzy or just raising my hand. I think after losing weight recently my ring was just too slack.

It's either under a pool table or in the Alsatian by now.

Toodlepips, writing, website, film watching, and msn-ing to do.

Please please also see part one of Good Deeds Friday below (or click link). Please. I'll be your bestest friend.

Part 2...
Also, please take the time to add your weight to these campaigns:

Control Arms campaign

Add your name to the 90,000 plus who have already mailed the Starbucks president to force them to play fair with the coffee farmers of Ethiopia

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Also please add your name to the following online petition that aims to help to keep freedom of expression:

Blimey, this week feels like I've been in a Benetton ad. Or attending a United Nations summit.

3 Australians
1 Blonde Greek (yes, I scratched my head too)
1 Welsh-Vietnamese
1 French born, Swiss raised Brit
1 Italian
2 Welsh
1 Scot
1 Hong Kong born Brit
2 South Africans
1 German
1 Netherlander

...and me. Whatever the hell I am!!

-----

First song of the day: Chasing Cars
Second song of the day: Chasing Cars
Third song of the day: Slut Freak (Zodiac Mindwarp)

Frasier quote of the day:
Niles: That hooligan is pelting me with peanuts! And look at that tray, he's come prepared!

Each Friday I urge you to click the links below which will help others at NO cost to you. The effect this has can be enormous the more of us do it.

- If just 30 people read my post today and click on the links, then we can provide a huge amount of help.

- If each one of you then passes these details on to 5 others, then think how much more we can do. All for no more effort than a quick email and a quick click.

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"why not take 1 minute to click each of the following links and by clicking on the coloured tab you can ensure that foodstuffs, books, or care is donated to each of the groups. And it costs nothing to you":

The Hunger Site
For each person who clicks the hunger site, 1.1 cups of staple food stuffs will be donated. So far today, 147,715 have already been generated.

The Breast Cancer Site
For each person who clicks, funding will be given for free mammograms. So far today, 6 women have benefited where they would not otherwise have done.

The Child Health Site
For each person who clicks, vital health supplies and services will be provided for children in need. So far today, 1467 kids will benefit from this.

The Literacy Site
For each person who clicks, underpriviledged children in developing countries will benefit from the chance to improve their literacy. So far today, 802 books will be provided.

The Rainforest Site
For each person who clicks, 11.4 square feet of Rain Forest can be preserved and saved. So far today, 986,909 square feet worth of Forest has been funded.

The Animal Rescue Site
For each person who clicks, 0.6 bowls of food plus care will be provided for animals in care. So far today, 89,412 bowls of food will be provided.

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It would be really great as well, if you could link this post in your 'bloglists' to get others to do their bit. Thanks

....and that's the way it is.

....sigh.....

(one for the dingbats fans)

It seems as though its been years since Ive been at work still beyound 5 o'clock. And I'm still not done.

I'm not used to this...I think I need a sit down. Wait a minute, I HAVE been sat down all day. Does that mean I need a stand up then?

One more day to get my project wrapped up!! Aaaarrrrgggggghhhh!

A friend of mine sent me this work in progress yesterday:

Note: Im not normally that wide of face.

Hmmm, is the world ready for us?!!!

Do you know what gets my goat???!!!!
...that wolf that keeps prowling and sniffing around.

Not really.

No, its the fact that our vending machines dont do plain old hot water so I can bring my own green tea in or do a cup-a-soup.

Inconsiderate bastards.

I was absolutely cream crackered last night so after work and a quick beverage, treated myself to a well deserved pampering and then sat on my buns for the rest of the evening. I do have a shameful confession though - I spent time in public with an Australian. Very sorry about that!

I also had 'one of those' dreams again, and when I woke up this morning, the disappointment and deflation I felt when I realised it hadnt happened and wasnt real was immense.

sigh

So thats still bubbling around my thought patterns and has distracted me somewhat. Add to that one of those 'quick half hour meetings' that you get at work which then turn into one and half hours of pointless verbal tennis, and it really throws the day out of synch!

Bugger.

I think Im long overdue a rant as I dont appear to have done one for ages. Back in the day at the start of the blog there were plenty of focussed rants, and although Ive been a bit holier than thou and ramming all sorts of good deeds info down peoples throats recently, in the main Ive been quite tame and even 'Jiminy Cricket' like (so says one observer!).

So, for no other reason than its time I did, and its lunch time, heres a random rant:

I dont care if youve got a shopmobility buggy, that still doesnt excuse speeding and hurtling towards my legs.
Foreign exchange students should be limited to groups of no greater than four, and not allowed to enter coffee shops or music stores unless they abide by strict rules. Noisy bastards, shut it.
For once, please can someone else move out of the way when Im walking down the street rather than making me snake my way around.
Oh, and whilst youre at it, speed up.
couples hugging, holding hands and gazing lovingly at each other are things I dont want to see at the moment
Sainsburys: you employ what appears to be the whole of the local university as shelf fillers (as well as one obvious 'filling our obligation to equal opportunities quota' person who does nothing of any perceivable use whatsoever). So, why do you never have any food in!
The wind. Go away. Youre not funny, not even slightly amusing. Especially at lunch time when Im trying to sit down and have my soup go in my mouth not all over the courtyard.
Teenagers. No reason needed, just sod off and get a job or something.
And stop playing tinny drum n bass on your crappy mobile that youre holding to your chin. Heard of mp3 players?
People - speed up. I know Ive said this one already but it deserves repeating!
Stop saying to me 'but you eat fish though dont you?' when I tell people Im vegetarian. Similarly dont say, 'oh my (insert relation, friend etc here) is vegetarian but they eat fish. No they are not. They are non meat eaters.
My housemates, turn the bloody lights off and stop leaving the kitchen in a mess after Ive cleaned it.
My wine rack, stop being empty, I demand you fill yourself up.
It doesnt hurt to say thank you either if I hold a door open for you, you ignorant woman!

thats better, all is well again and i can enjoy the rest of my lunch in the lovely sunshine

Aww, in my 'session' yesterday I was told I have a 'lovely turn of phrase' and that I use words well.

How nice. I did reply with 'thank you, it's just a shame I'm rubbish at translating them to the page for my story' for which I was berated for using the phrase 'I'm rubbish'. Apparently it's a no-no and I'm not allowed to refer to myself in such terms! Hmmm, I was only being flippant.

It was a very nice compliment though.

------------

Thank you also for the nice new tag x

No, I'm not bragging about how proud I am to have finally made some headway through Meg & Mog.

I've actually finished six pages of my impending website. Yay. But I've hit a stumbling block now, in that the format isn't condusive to my ideas for one of the sections. Poo. That's not the section by the way, that's my adjective for the frustration.

Gotta say though, it's looking good! Well, in my eyes any way!

I never do these, but im bored and it distracts me from writing recommendations documentation at work!

My User name and why I choose it? - Cleverly constructed from my name and location I used to live
My Real name – Tosspot.
My Location – Work. Oh, I see...Winchester, Hampshire
Number of candles that appeared on my last birthday cake - 1
Date that I regularly blow them out – 26th May.
My Place of Birth – Gloucester
My favourite food – Dont limit me to one! Olives
My Favourite movies – Again, only one?!!! Erm, ok then, at the moment, Anchorman
My Favourite holiday – Havent had it yet as it was due at the end of this month...
My Favourite day of the week – Whichever one I get drunk on
My Favourite restaurant – ASK. No really, thats the name, Im not requesting you to solicit me for details!
My Favourite flower – Ooh....consider the lilies
My Favourite drink – Gin and Tonic, Vodka, Diet Coke, Cappucino or Laaaaaaaggggggggerrrrrr
My Favourite colour – Bright shocking girly pink
My Favourite TV Shows – The only answer to this is Frasier (although Family Guy,Boosh, Spaced et al are all favourites too)
The shop I would choose to max out my credit cards? - I would say Primark, but is that possible??? Any dvd emporium then!
The 5 things I would take with me if I was going to be stranded on a desert island – My soulmate, a helicopter, endless fuel, endless food, oh, and a pilot.
My favourite article of clothing? - Do my glasses count?
My favourite song of all time? - Mr Brightside. But too many - Depends on the mood, but anything by Prince is an obvious.
The last CD I bought? - Download all my tunes now. But will always buy Prince, so its '3121'
My favourite decade or era - The one I live in in my addled brain
My favourite place to be? - Somewhere Im not at the moment
The Hollywood star that would play me in a movie about my life? - Simon Pegg (hes technically hollywood now), Noel Fielding if it was a British funded film, or John Cusack
My Favourite season - not relevant any more with global warming, theyre all going to be the same!

Oops, I think I misinterpreted this news story

Damn, I quite liked the idea of a turf battle between Levi wearing mosquitos winning a fashion cat walk face off against George from Asda wearing ones.

Apparently though, its a less important story about how GM mosquitos could help in wiping out malaria by eventually wiping out 'normal' ones! Tcch!

Well I suppose theres some benefits to be had aswell in the real version of the story! What say you of the ethics of it though?

...i have acquired a plethora of new and surprisingly sweet tags over recent weeks, so to whoever has done it - whether it be one or many of you - thank you very much for the niceties

As i have no idea who, i'm sending the thanks out here. Theyve made me smile

I love bananas. They are nice.

But whenever I pop into S***ys (dont want to advertise) and they've restocked the boxes, there is always that horrendous smell that accompanies a newly opened box of 'fresh' bananas.

It can only be described as banana poo smell.

Anyone else recognise it? Keep your nostrils peeled (boom boom) next time you pass the little yellow fellas.

...I must admit that my newly regained buoyancy has deflated somewhat this afternoon.

A little bit sad, and a little bit lonely. Pining...