A bit green at trying to be a bit green...

So much for being Captain Planet. At this point in time, I barely make the rank of Captain. More like a lowly sailor...as those who know me will testify judging by my sometimes 'dodgily camp' mannerisms...

I think I'm going to have to take the Captain Planet suit back to the tailors for some alterations, its not been fitting right. Or to put it another way, 'I've been a bad boy and I need to be spanked'. It's not been deliberate or anything, I haven't been driving from the bedroom to the kitchen in a humvee, turning the heating on to full, then leaving the freezer open because it's now too hot. But what with one thing and another (i.e. being a lazy git) I've fallen into bad green habits. One might even go as far to say that they are now a slightly more muddy brown habit, with the odd bit of foliage popping through here and there.

I began to suspect something was up when I saw the candlelight vigil outside my house, attended by all of the local urban wildlife and soap-dodgers. 'Oh Captain P', they chanted, 'you've fallen from the tree...why? why, god damn you....say it isn't so'
I couldnt argue as they presented the evidence of my crimes in the form of newspapers and plastic bottles carelessly discarded amongst the 'normal rubbish'. Needless to say I broke down quicker than an ecologically sound bio-degradable container. How could I not. 'Oh it's true, it's all true', I blubbed. 'Forgive me, please, forgive me. I slipped. It was christmas. I've been drunk. I've been introspecting and forgetting the bigger picture. Yes, I know introspecting isn't a real word, forgive me for that too...'

And so with my apology winding it's way through the tree tops, I shamefully closed my window, re-sorted through my rubbish, and put my head down on the pillow vowing to collect my newly re-tailored Captain Planet suit first thing the following morning...