Last night unfortunately failed to live up to my hopes and expectations following the last few weeks quite bizarre and astounding revelations and occurrences, starring the unlikely characters of The Ostrich Puncher and Dead Grans Fanny Girl.
Perhaps a little recap and back-story might be required here to explain the aforementioned protaganists. A few weeks ago I was fortunate to be on the receiving end of a conversation that ended with the sublime statement '..and then he punched an ostrich in the face'. This in itself was bizarre enough behaviour, but further revelations revealed that not only had this person done this once, but twice. And furthermore, both instances were in an (and quite frankly misguided is an understatement)attempt to impress his girlfriend. Apparently he had vaulted a fence into the enclosure to display his manly bravery in the presence of such a temperamental beast, and the ostrich - affronted at the intrusion on its manor - squared up menacingly, resulting in a punch in the face. A brief trawl through the mans history also revealed he is an obsessive bird freak, triggered by an incident whereby he accidently broke two ostrich eggs as a child (one already named Oscar or something) and so was somehow trying to make amends by worshipping all things bird like from then on. Clearly the ostrich incident goes slightly against the grain of this.
The other person is apparently something of an exhibitionist (to put it mildly) and is slightly unhinged (to put it even more mildly) at the best of times, let alone when infused with Tia Maria. She entered the room last week where an acoustic open mic night was being held, and we were in a respectfully quiet appreciation. Her first actions were a bursting through the doors, accompanied by a loud 'wooooooooo' and asking everyone in sight what was going on, were we having a good time, and 'don't worry I'm here now'. Quite. Attempts to ignore were obviously futile, and embarrassed singers were then forced into surreal conversations over their sets. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, a statement elicited the response from her about it not being good to be a girl, and its not easy if you've got a fanny. Followed by a very loud 'you should see my grans fanny. Oh wait, she's dead'. From there on in, much falling and clattering followed, along with sidling up to anyone in the audience and attempting to engage them in conversation.
So, perhaps you can see why on a 'car crash' level, I was keen for a bit of a sequel to either event last night. My disappointment was clear for all to see.
However, I did end up in one of those bizarre conversations that you can never remember how you got on to the subject in hand.
Something, whatever it was, prompted the memory from me about Zelda from Terrahawks - the kids tv puppet show - and how she looked a bit like a cross between Medusa and Sheila Hancock:
From here, clearly the legend that is Barry Hercules - he of the chin - came up:
But was misheard by someone else as Barry Herpes. Now that, is definitely a post-watershed character if ever there was one.
